Community over Competition

This week’s blog post was originally going to cover my recent Disney getaway, but the topic of “Community over Competition” has been on my mind a lot lately; This post needed to be shared.

Throughout life, we have good friends and we have flaky friends. Whether we like it or not, it is inevitable. We have people who support us throughout life’s journey that have our best interest in mind, and we also have people who may want to see us fail.  There are people who want the best for you, and there are people who would not mind seeing you fall on your face. I have learned that no matter how much good energy and enthusiasm I show for others’ accomplishments, others may still not be happy for me.

This post is not meant to be a negative one. In fact, my goal is to show you to think higher and bigger and to inspire you through some of my favorite motivational quotes and through understanding the behavior. In order to keep moving forward and focus on you, I believe it is important to understand the nature of this behavior and why these cords are toxic.

People who do not want the best for you are most likely jealous. Think about it: Unhappy people are not cheering for happy people. Happiness breeds more happiness. This is the same for gratitude.  People who are grateful for life and express gratitude are more likely to root for others and encourage you to see the good. Take a minute to appreciate all you have, instead of focusing on what you do not. “Comparison is the theft of joy.”

At one point, I worked on a social media account for a holistic healer. She is a very interesting woman, and we often shared thoughts about life. She shared how people who are jealous of you attach cords to you. Whether we are conscious of these cords, they are not healthy and the tie is present in your relationship. You want to surround yourself with people who want the best for you and people who want to see you grow!

How do you know who these people are or if these cords exist?

• How do they respond when you ask for help? Are they eager to help you? Do they make excuses?
• Do they listen to you in your time of need? Do they offer suggestions or an ear? This point is a bit difficult as sometimes I experience friendships who only want negative energy. They feed on the negativity and sarcasm and enjoy when things go wrong. It breeds negative energy. “Both of our lives suck, so its okay” is a toxic mentality. One of my “close” friends only wanted to sit and sulk. It took months of doing this for me to realize that it was very unhealthy. My motivation and creativity dropped. At one point, she even questioned my relationship and how my boyfriend could “choose” me. This was when I knew the line needed to be drawn, and it was time to move on. She did not want to break this negative mentality and we grew apart.
• Notice how people react when you are doing well or when you share an accomplishment.  I have had friends who “viewed” my snapchat or instagram story without replying when I was excited about great news. I have had friends scroll past my posts. (It is pretty obvious that I am trying to make it out here as a blogger. The super easy way to help is to support my content.) I have had tremendous support from my readers and followers, yet not from people who are supposed to be my close friends. It can be one of two things, either they really do not like my content or they are unhappy with my opportunities.
• Gut instinct. Do you ever feel like a “suggestion” from a friend might not be in your best interest? For example, your friend says you look great in that dress but then you later realize it was a bad fit…or maybe you had spinach in your teeth all day and your friend never said anything. In high school, I had a “friend” who literally deleted photos that she thought I looked better than her in. I am a big believer in trusting your gut. If your friend does not want to see you do well, he/is is not a friend.

Understanding who is a good friend and who may not be is very important to self-growth. While it may be difficult to cut ties or to move onto other friendships, there is value in doing so. Here are some quotes that really resonate with me and help me say goodbye to past toxic friendships and to focus on doing you, because you are capable of amazing things!

Quotes from @thefemalehustlers:

“If it makes you go !!! inside, its worth keeping around.” -unknown

“Stay close to people who feel like sunlight.” -unknown

“Have fun, even if it’s not the same kind of fun everyone else is having.” -C.S.Lewis

“I saw my life was a vast empty page and I could do anything I wanted.” -Jack Kerouac

 

I hope you enjoyed this post, the quotes, and the overall message. This is written based on personal experience, so please take what you will at your own risk. I am sharing this because life is short and it is on my mind. I realize that the more I hustle towards my dreams and the more I see the bigger picture, that people are not always going to want the best for you. There is a saying that describes how some friends want you to do well, but never better than them. Unfortunately, I think there is a lot of truth to this and I sincerely hope that it is not the case for you. Keep chasing your dreams, stay in your lane, and wish the best upon others. You can do this!